okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going