I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears