Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers