I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.