Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun