You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's always time for handjobs
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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I want her autograph on my taint
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.