I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.