So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...