My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"