Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12