Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you