Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.