i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.