I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that