Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.