The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...