he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks