i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.