She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick