i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"