Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.