she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf