my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
