Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week