I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH