Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (859)

Last Night in Kentucky (859)

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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju

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you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

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(859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is

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i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

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(859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf

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make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

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(859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7

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Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

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(859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa

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While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

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(859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv

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Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!

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(859): Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi! http://tfl.nu/jfyt

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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

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please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

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(859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w

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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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(859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq

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I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

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(859): I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever http://tfl.nu/61m6

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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

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(859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67

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thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.

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(859): thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that. http://tfl.nu/160n

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Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

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(859): Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out. http://tfl.nu/0ttb

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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

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(859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x

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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.

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(859): The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know. http://tfl.nu/3jb2

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Last Night in Kentucky (859)

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