did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.