I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here