How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers