Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.