Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How external is "for external use only"?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day