I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.