oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick