Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.