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I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
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