As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
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He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.