she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.