i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"