Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (240)

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Thanks for last night it was amazing as always

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  What are you talking about

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You've got to be kidding me

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  (240): Thanks for last night it was amazing as always (703): What are you talking about (240): You've got to be kidding me http://tfl.nu/zj8e
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  Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef

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  Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!

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  That is the exact response I was looking for.

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  (202): Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef (240): Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst! (202): That is the exact response I was looking for. http://tfl.nu/qkl0
  Replies (7) Good night (1407) Bad night (295)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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  (240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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  (240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu
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  There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.

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  What a good friend

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  (301): There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out. (240): What a good friend http://tfl.nu/qs4m
  Replies (6) Good night (1284) Bad night (408)
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  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

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  (240): I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards. http://tfl.nu/evpw
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

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  (240): Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you (1-240): Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/ytzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1253) Bad night (112)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.

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  (240): she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes. http://tfl.nu/9p5u
  Replies (10) Good night (1234) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer

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  (240): Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer http://tfl.nu/mrff
  Replies (4) Good night (1233) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

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  (240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma
  Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence

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  (240): i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence http://tfl.nu/n478
  Replies (2) Good night (1195) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again

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  (240): All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again http://tfl.nu/54xi
  Replies (5) Good night (1186) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need Jameson.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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  (540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1143) Bad night (305)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.

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  (240): okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party. http://tfl.nu/08ru
  Replies (5) Good night (1126) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it

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  (240): A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it http://tfl.nu/zmnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1105) Bad night (384)