and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's the barista slut.
where are you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.