shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina