Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed