I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..