I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her