If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"