I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.