if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?