If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
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I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people