It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"