I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.