Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy