Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.