The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.