You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance