How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ass is underappreciated
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter