Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"