Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.