The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.