Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.