There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week