I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.