In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.