Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Follow @TFLN on Twitter