I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends