As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.