Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.