I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Houston, we have a blender
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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