I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
