Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton