If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes