took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.