Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton