The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Still dying that you shit outside
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.