I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....