I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.